Birthdays

On Sunday I celebrated my 18th birthday. I’m now officially, in the UK at least, an adult who is able to buy alcohol and vote, and am now legally responsible for my actions. We marked the occasion by going out for breakfast with my Aunt, Uncle and other Aunt, and in the evening went down to the local Indian for a lovely meal with just the three other members of my immediate family. This was remarkably different to what my mother wanted us to do do – she had originally envisioned some sort of super-party with every single member of my family in attendance, as well as all their friends and perhaps every person I’ve ever met in my 18 years on this planet. I insisted that I just wanted to keep things very simple and eventually I managed to bargain the arrangement I mentioned above.

My previous seventeen birthdays have all been major events on my calendar; I’d spend several weeks looking forward to it, or more specifically, looking forward to having money and attention lavished on me. Even into my mid-teens, the idea of having gifts and being the centre of everyone’s thoughts still was incredibly exciting to me. My 18th was my first birthday since I discovered Buddhism. It is safe to say it was quite  different experience to my other birthdays.

Firstly, the build up to my birthday was a much less emotional affair. I barely thought about it, only doing so when a friend or family member started talking about it, and even as late as the night before I simply forgot it was my birthday the following day. On the day I felt no different, whereas previously I had gone around feeling like some sort of Emperor. The gifts I received I received graciously and appreciated them for themselves whereas before if I did not get exactly what I wanted it would put a downer on the whole day. Before when I received money or gift vouchers, no amount was enough, but on my 18th again I appreciated and valued all the money I received. I was more appreciative of spending time and simply sharing a meal with my family than the gifts they gave, and felt a reduced feeling to indulge in sensuous pleasure – basically I didn’t want to stuff myself with cake as much as before.

It is difficult to say whether this new attitude towards my birthday was because of Buddhism, or simply because I’ve grown up. Maybe some natural maturity has (finally) kicked in and this is just part of becoming an adult. But I’m not satisfied by that answer, and have to say that my Buddhist beliefs certainly did have an influence on my attitude. I think reading about emptiness and mindfulness has had an affect on me subconsciously. I have felt less inclined to feel selfish and self-centred feelings, because of the doctrine of Attman, or the doctrine of no-self. I have felt the need to be mindful and to appreciate things in the moment, which is why I appreciated my family’s company rather than their gifts or the desire to stuff my face and drink heavily as some people like to do. This desire to drink or to eat or increase material wealth was hugely diminished this year, and this is down to my Buddhist beliefs, at least partly.

However, it is clear that these beliefs still need to be cultivated and developed, but it was so refreshing to have this experience of my birthday. Birthdays in the western tradition at least, are inherently self-centred affairs, and it my hope that everyone who reads this and indeed me myself will, in future work to turn birthdays from selfish events so focused on fulfilling personal desire into peaceful and selfless events.

Thank you for reading and may compassion and wisdom guide you through suffering.

 

 

 

 

 

Picture credit – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Birthday

Exams

Even to mention that fateful word is to send students throughout the land scuttling back to the recesses of their happy places. Most choose the path of denial – if I simply watch Netflix and eat Ben & Jerry’s, perhaps I won’t have to sit my exams.

Exam stress is a genuine issue for the vast majority of students; anything from slight nerves all the way to becoming hysterical, throwing up and being in general a little insane during the exam period. I have never been one of those hyper-worriers, but I would be lying if I said I don’t get nervous or that I’m really looking forward to my exams. The issue of exam stress, an umbrella term I’ll use to describe any nervousness or dislike towards exams, is one that hasn’t really been addressed when it comes to Buddhism.

Firstly and probably the most obviously, exam stress, in fact any stress is regarded in Buddhism as impermanent and subject to change. Why should this emotion affect the way you feel? It is not helpful in any way, and what’s more, the method to get rid of it is easy. The term ‘letting go’ is thrown around a lot in Buddhist talks and discussions, but what does it actually mean? It would be fantastic to just say ‘nope, I’m not being affected by this emotion and I’m going to get rid of it now’ but in reality this doesn’t seem possible. You can’t just make negative feelings go away simply by wishing they weren’t there. What must happen is you must almost turn and face your exam stress. Instead of trying to escape it or temporarily forget about it, you must look it in the eye and let the feeling run through you.

You may be feeling not so great when you let the feeling of stress run through you, but that’s ok. Now you must introduce reason. Feel the stress inside, don’t think about external things like ‘what are my parents going to say’ or ‘what if I don’t get the grades’ but really be present, focused solely on the stress. You will find that the thing you thought was so awful and overwhelming is actually relatively small. This feeling of stress and nervousness is in no way helpful to you,so why entertain it? Why make the situation worse and carrying on being preoccupied by it? At this point think ‘why am I feeling this stress?’ Is it because you haven’t revised enough? If this is the case, get revising. I know this might be easier said then done, but there are literally thousands of websites that help with revision tips. But, if you have revised enough, you might find that the reason you are feeling this stress is because of the pressure put on you. You might feel it’s your parents, college, university-offer grades, maybe even friends. But if you really examine closely, you will find that all this pressure you though other people were putting on you is actually just in your head. You imagine it, perceive it an think it to be 100% real.

What must be kept in mind is that things only exist as you perceive them. If you choose to perceive your exams in a really negative light, you are likely to feel negative, and the end results of your exams are likely to be negative. However, if you see the inherent emptiness of all things you will understand that your feelings towards exams are completely up to you, and that if you dwell in emptiness, you can see that if you revel in negative feelings, you will make the situation worse. But if you am positive and happy, and follow the Noble Eight-Fold Path, your negative feelings will go away. In the words of the Dalai Lama “choose to be optimistic, it feels better”.

So, exam stress then is completely made up and imaginary. To be stressed and feel bad is not skilful, so you mustn’t be overcome by it.

Thank you for reading and may compassion and wisdom guide you through suffering.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Picture credit – http://www.rooms4u.co.uk/coping-exam-stress-january/